Drabbles of a North American Variety
by A Field of Starlight
Summary: Random drabbles involving - you guessed it - the North American brothers! Because why not? Most of them will probably be mostly humorous, with some fluffy. Because FLUFFLY FLUFFLE FLUFF! XD
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is a collection of really random North American brothers drabbles. They'll most likely be humorous, because there is really WAY to much you can do with Mattie and Al. XD

* * *

"ALFIE~!"

"Oof! Matt, get off!"

Canada smiled at his brother and gave him a bear hug. "NOOOO~!"

"Ah! Seriously, Mattie, get off, you're heavy!"

"... Are you saying I'm fat?"

"What? No, you're larger than me! Duh!"

"Oh, yeah... Whoops! I forgot about our land mass differences!"

Canada happily clambered off of America (seemingly forgetting that their landmasses had nothing to do with their weight), letting the southern twin breathe. Then he began swaying on his feet and humming a strange melody.

"Uh... Mattie, are you high?"

"Nope! I'm drunk~!" Canada exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air in euphoria. "And I challenge you to a hockey match!"

America paused for a moment. "... Dude, you're drunk."

"Yep!" Canada nodded enthusiastically. "Let's play, brother mine!"

"... Can I say no?"

"NOPE~!"

And with that, America was dragged toward his doom.

* * *

Chapter 1: In which Canada gets drunk and challenges America to a hockey match.

This is not gonna end well...

* * *

"Mattie... Please no..." America said, basically crying as his brother forced him into protective gear.

"You can't say no!" Canada pouted, jumping up and down.

"Mattie... You're scary enough when you're _not_ drunk and playing hockey! I really don't want to die!"

Canada frowned. "We can't die."

America facepalmed. "It was a figure of speech! Please, Mattie, can't you, I don't know, get the commie bastard to play with you?"

Canada's eyes immediately lit up, and America began to regret saying anything. "Great idea, Al! C'mon!"

Jumping up, Canada quickly dragged himself and a very, VERY reluctant America across the Gulf of Mexico to Cuba.

"THAT'S NOT THE COMMIE I MEANT!"

"Oh, I know~! But we can get both, can't we?"

America's expression at that particular instance of time is best described like so: QnQ

Heedless of his brother's expression, Canada knocked on Cuba's door.

"AMERICA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HE- wait... there's two of you?"

"Silly! I'm CANADA!" Canada responded, giggling.

"Canada... are you drunk?"

"YEP! AND WE'RE PLAYING HOCKEY! AND YOU'RE COMING WITH US!"

And so, the Cuban nation was quickly added to the dragging list.

* * *

Russia's eye twitched at the strange sight of a super bubbly Canada dragging a battered America and a crying Cuba behind him onto his doorstep.

"Da, comrade Matvey?"

"PLAY HOCKEY WITH ME~!"

"Uh..." Russia suddenly had a strong urge to go looking for Belarus. "My sister, Bela-"

"COME!" And with that, Russia was forcibly removed from his country and dragged across the Bering Strait back into the continent of North America.

"Matvey, I-" Russia's next words were cut off as Canada stuffed him into all the necessary gear and plonked a helmet on his head, all in the space of five seconds. (America and Cuba had already been subjected to such a treatment.)

Sticks were shoved into each of the three other nations' hands, and Canada's favorite hockey gear seemed to magically manifest itself on his body.

"Mattie... please don't make us do this!" America pleaded. Cuba and Russia were in complete agreement (for once).

"Sorry~! But you have to!"

And that was that.

* * *

By the end of the game, both America and Cuba were sporting bloody noses, and even Russia felt like he wouldn't be able to move the next day. Canada, however, seemed perfectly fine.

"Another round?" he asked eagerly.

"NO!" the other nations immediately shouted. They scrambled out the door and ran back to their respective houses to nurse they wounds.

But before he got out of sight, America yelled back.

"I'm getting you back for this, Canada!"

Canada giggled.

* * *

Author's Note: Mattie, Mattie... Don't take your brother's threats so lightly! XD

So... I hope you liked it? For some reason, I imagine Canada being a super happy drunk. No idea why... it's probably just me being Chinese and American at the same time. China and America aren't known for their calmness... Or well, China's brand of calmness is, uh, special. Because all the Asians are special.

Um, so, yeah. Because I have nothing else to say, I'll put a smiley.

:)


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Here. Have some more crack. Because why not. XD

A note: I like to call any soccer not played in America 'European football'. Therefore, if you see 'European football', assume that they're playing the game commonly called soccer in the US, except in Europe. (Also assume that Canada and America never play together, 'cause I don't know how to deal with that situation, and that the African/South American countries don't count) (Oh, and Asian countries are REALLY bad at the sport, so they don't count either)

* * *

"MATTIE~!"

"WAAAAH! Alfred, what the maple are you doing?" Canada cried as he tried to shove his overenthusiastic twin brother off of him.

"Glomping you." America smiled happily.

"Alfred! You're defying geography! Now get off of me!"

America, however, seemed not to hear, and started rolling around.

"And I'm getting revenge~!"

Canada blinked. "... Revenge?"

"Yep! For last time!" America's eyes lit up. "I'm drunk this time! And I challenge you to a game of baseball!"

"... There's no way I'm getting out of this, is there."

"NOPE~!" Then America paused. "Unless, of course, you give me all the maple syrup in your Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve or whatever the thing's called."

Canada blanched. "Oh, maple..."

* * *

Chapter 2: In which America gets his revenge by purposely getting himself drunk and challenging Canada to a baseball game.

This, too, will not end well...

* * *

"Hurry up, Mattie!"

"Stop rushing me, Al!" Canada grumbled as he pulled on more protective gear (read: armor). "I need to do this right!"

"But Mattie...!"

"Stop whining!" Canada glared at his drunk, immature twin as he inwardly shuddered in fear. He pulled on the last piece - a reinforced shin guard that he normally wore when playing European football with England and France (those two were scary on the field... especially when pitted against each other) - and stood up.

"Right, you're good! Let's go~!" America dragged Canada out of the locker room and onto the field, where...

A whole bunch of other nations were waiting?

Canada blinked at the sight of Japan, Germany, Prussia, Hungary, Austria, Italy, Romano, Spain, France, England, China, Russia, Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, and Poland, ready to play, though not looking too happy about it. Cuba was glaring from the sidelines.

"So, I claim Japan, Iggy, and Russia! Mattie, you can have France and Spain and the Italies."

"The Baltics are with me, da?" Russia confirmed, smiling creepily. Poland perked up at this and wordlessly (I know, amazing, right?) joined his friends.

"Uh... yeah. And I'll take China as well. You can have the Germanics and Hungary," America said with an air of finality, before Canada could even get a word in edgewise.

"Kay! Let's play ball!"

As America ran toward his position (pitcher, obviously. What else?) Canada trailed after him in a last minute attempt to reason with the southern nation.

"Al! Please, let's not do this! Especially not with this many people around! We can play catch at home, or something, just don't involve them!"

"But Mattie! I wanna play ball! Go back to your spot!"

"Al-"

But America didn't even listen to the rest of his brother's words, as he had already hoisted him over a shoulder and carried him toward home base.

Canada sighed in frustration. "Well, at least we're geographically correct this time..."

* * *

"Ow!"

"Ah! Sumimasen, Canada-kun, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"No, it's OK, Japan," Canada said as he grimaced. The Asian nation was wrapping up the North American nation's wounds.

Japan tutted as he exposed another scrape, this time on Canada's back. How it got there is anyone's guess. "Does America-kun always play this hard?"

"No."

Japan let out a sigh of relief.

"He usually plays harder," Canada continued. "But the alcohol in his system must have been weakening him."

Japan just sat there, shocked. That was when England took the opportunity to drag a now sober America in by the ear, yelling at him about "horseplay" and "immaturity" and other things of that sort, while Cuba followed, hitting America on the head with a stick in a very Bulgaria-like manner.

Usually, Canada would feel some sympathy for his brother when England went into overbearing big brother lecturing mode.

Today, though? Canada just cheered England on.

* * *

Author's Note: So. America getting scolded by England is something I've always thought happened fairly often. Yep yep.

Um... Sumimasen means I'm sorry in Japanese. Yeah.

So... Next chapter should be some random fluff. Because fluffy things are nice between cracky things.

Hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: OK, so I know I said fluffy this chapter, but... I couldn't resist. This is kinda inspired by a conversation I had with my Canadian PM buddy, KTrevo. This is what she said, in response to my rant about (stupid) Congress (which is stupid, being stupid): "Pretty much all of us up here in the Great White North are laughing at you guys right now. I mean, seriously- they shut down NATURE as well? Honestly."

So, in honor of the end to the government shutdown, I'm going to write a chapter _about_ the government shutting down! Does that make sense? Nope~!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Mattie..."

"Alfred?" Canada turned around to see America walking slowly toward him. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Ma... ttie..." America swayed a bit, grabbing Canada's arm.

"Alfred? What are you doing?"

"Don't... feel... good..." He stumbled a bit.

"Al? Al, you're scaring me! Stop it!" Canada was beginning to feel a bit panicked.

"Mattie..." Suddenly, America collapsed onto his northern brother.

"ALFRED!"

* * *

Chapter 3: In which the American government shutdown has an interesting effect on the nation representative of America.

And Canada laughs at him for it.

* * *

"Soooo... you're telling me that your government managed to shut itself down... over some health insurance bill they passed three times already?"

"Uh-huh." America snuggled deeper under his covers at Canada's incredulous look.

"And so you collapsed on me."

"Yeah..."

"... Alfred, you need to get a better government."

America bristled a bit at this. "Hey! It's not my fault! The citizens elected them! I can't do anything about it!"

Canada sighed. "Fine, calm down. So, what exactly did they shut down?"

America frowned. "Uh... well, my boss told me they had to furlough-"

"Do you even know what that means, Al?" Canada said with a smirk, lifting a cup of coffee (with maple syrup in it!) to his mouth.

America pouted and threw a pillow at him. "As I was _saying_, they had to furlough a whole bunch of 'nonessential' government employees, and they shut down all those museums and stuff, like the Smithsonian... Oh, they shut down nature too."

Canada sputtered, almost spitting out his coffee. "They did WHAT?"

"Shut down nature. You know, national parks and stuff."

"Your government shut down nature," Canada stated rather than asked.

"Uh... yeah, that's what I just said..."

"They shut down... nature. The United States government shut down _nature_... PFFT! HAHAHAHAHA!"

America frowned at his brother, who was currently rolling around on the ground in fits of uncontrolled laughter, and lobbed another pillow in his direction. "Stop it, Mattie! It's not that funny!"

"But they shut down NATURE, of all things!"

"OK, fine, they didn't shut down nature, they shut down the people's enjoyment of nature! Nature can't be shut down, I'm sorry I worded it wrong!"

Canada ignored him and went right on laughing.

"Plus, you're missing the point! The most important thing is that the MCDONALD'S EMPLOYEES ARE GOING ON STRIKE! HOW WILL I GET BURGERS?!"

Then America promptly had a panic attack and fainted.

Canada stopped laughing, got up, magically summoned a bucket of freezing Hudson Bay seawater, and poured it on his twin.

America jerked awake.

Canada started rolling on the ground laughing again.

America threw a pillow at Canada. Again.

Except it wasn't a pillow. It was America mochi.

"It's OKEY! I'm AMERICAN!" the little sticky-rice-flour-ball-dessert-thing-possibly-stuf fed-with-sweet-filling decided to exclaim.

"Eh... I'm CANADIAN! CANADIAN! I'M NOT AMERICAN, I'M CANADIAN!" Canada mochi randomly popped out of nowhere, waving miniature Canadian flags and freaking out about mistaken nationalities.

America mochi decided to grow legs and step on him.

Both North American brothers sweatdropped.

* * *

Author's Note: I don't even know what happened at the end there... Meh, whatever. The Hetalia mochi are awesome. There, good enough reason.

So... all of the random current events mentioned are real. Google it if you want to know more.

Next chapter will hopefully be the fluffy one. Unless I get sidetracked again by something stupid the government of America (or maybe even Canada, who knows?) does.

So... hope you liked it?


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: As nothing weird happened with either America's or Canada's government (well, nothing too out of the ordinary. Everything governments do is weird, in my opinion), here's your fluff!

This chapter is loosely based of the Youtube video "Hetalia Lullaby for a Stormy Night", so if you're interested, go watch it.

Chibi nations are so adorable... *sigh* And guest visits from France and England this chapter!

* * *

"Looks like a thunderstorm..." France commented as he glanced out the window, a cup of wine in his hand. Beside him, England just made an affirmative sound and turned the page of his novel.

"Good thing the boys are in bed,"

"Mmhmm."

"Angleterre, you're too stuffy!" France declared with a flourish, rising from his seat.

"Can it, frog," England responded without too much conviction. "You'll wake the colonies."

"Ohonhonhon~!" France laughed quietly as he sat down. "Angleterre, you DO care about Amérique et Canada! I was beginning to think you were heartless!"

England smacked France upside the head with his book. "I told you to shut up, you wanker!"

BOOM!

A sudden burst of lightning and thunder startled the two European nations. But before they could do anything, two tiny bodies barreled into their chests.

"ENGWAND! FWANCE!"

* * *

Chapter 4: In which colonial-era America and Canada get afraid during a thunderstorm and go to England and France for comfort.

And France somehow manages to piss England off while simultaneously comforting them.

* * *

"ME AND MATTIE ARE SCARED!" America whined as he snuggled deep into England's shirt, clutching the fabric tightly in his tiny fists.

"Mattie and I," England corrected automatically. He glanced over to where a wordless Canada had buried his face into France's shirt, Kumajirou hugged close. "Boys, aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

France sighed. "Now is not the time, Angleterre. There, there, Canada, Matthieu... do not be afraid. It is just a storm..."

"But..." Canada's bottom lip quivered as he looked up toward his mentor, enormous indigo eyes filled with tears. "But it's scary..."

America quickly nodded his assent, Nantucket bobbing up and down as he did.

England sighed, smoothing down his colony's errant hair. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Rain is what gives life to your land. It's what allows your people to live and grow and be happy."

"R-Really?" Canada mumbled, peaking at England.

"Really. I wouldn't lie to you, now would I?"

"B-But France says-"

"AH!" France quickly cut in. "I know just the thing to soothe your fears, mon cher." And with that, he fled the room.

England glared after him, then scooped Canada into his lap. "France will be France, Matthew. You needn't concern yourself over what-"

CRASH!

"EEP!" the North American colonies cried as another thunderclap echoed through the room. They huddled together, pressing themselves into England.

"Engwand! Make it stop!"

"Alfred, didn't you hear what I just said?" England asked gently. "This same rain that is scaring you is also nurturing the plants and animals and people that live on your land. Without it, nothing would grow. Would you want that?"

"N-No..."

"Then will you be a strong little colony for me? And you too, Matthew?"

Both nodded, and America snuggled closer to Canada, who didn't protest, just shifted his hold on Kumajirou so that he could lean his head on his southern twin's shoulder.

England smiled and smoothed down both their hair curls. "Good boys."

Moments later, France returned with a smile on his face. "I have found it! Here, Alfred, Matthieu, look at this."

Curious, both colonies scrambled away from England and climbed into France's lap.

"Is that... you?" Canada asked, pointing to one of the figures in the painting.

"And Engwand. That's Engwand, right?" America pointed to the other.

"Oui. This was us, when we were still young."

"When you were colonies?" America bounced up and down in excitement.

France smiled. "Non, Amérique. Angleterre and I were never colonies."

"How come?" Both of the North Americans had confused expressions on their faces.

"Our situation was different," England responded simply.

"But that is beside the point. When we were younger, your England would often come to me when he was scared. Much like you come to us now when you are scared."

"Really? Engwand got scared too?" America's eyes were wide with shock. It was completely inconceivable to him that his strong big brother could ever have been afraid of anything.

Canada didn't seem to believe it, either. "Non, France, you're lying!"

"Canada! You wound me! I would not lie! In fact, England would cuddle up to me just as you're doing right now!"

England gave an indignant splutter, but chose not to say anything as both colonies turned to face him, eyes alight with wonder.

"_Engwand_ used to be afraid of things..." America breathed. Canada's eyes merely widened to an inhumanly large size.

France smiled. "Oui, and he would sometimes come crying to me. But Big Brother France would always send his fears away! No one need worry about scary storms while I'm here!"

If France noticed England's glare, he chose to ignore it as both America and Canada leapt into his arms.

"Angleterre was so adorable back then... Just like the two of you!" France poked Canada in the nose, causing the northern twin to giggle and try to grab his brother's finger.

"All right, enough of that, boys, let's get you back to bed." England stood up and gathered the colonies into his arms.

"But Engwand! I'm- I mean, Mattie's still scared!"

"You and your brother will be fine, Alfred."

"But-!"

Canada place a hand on his twin's shoulder, and America lapsed into silence.

"Can we sleep with you and France, England?"

England came to a spluttering halt. "W-What did you say, Matthew?"

"Can we sleep with you and France?"

Behind them, France hid his amused smile behind a hand as England's face turned red at the strange request of his colony. "You... want us to sleep together? Canada, that's hardly proper-"

"But France used to cuddle with me all the time! And Al is still scared-"

"Am not!" America protested.

"Are too," Canada replied offhandedly. "Please, England?"

"Ah... Fine," he acquiesced. "But just this once. I'm not getting in the same bed as France again if I can help it."

"Yay!" both North American's exclaimed. The European island nation sighed, as his friend/enemy/rival nation laughed.

"Now, off to bed with you two," England said, putting the young colonies down. "France and I will be there after we wash up."

Without a word, America and Canada ran off, disappearing into the master bedroom.

"Ohonhonhon~"

England glared.

France merely smiled. "I shall go get ready for rest, then, Angleterre."

And with that he walked into the guest room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

"... Bloody frog..."

* * *

Author's Note: Eh... that didn't exactly turn out the way I planned... meh, whatever.

WHY DOES MY COMPUTER TELL ME "LEAPT" ISN'T A WORD?! IT IS TOO A WORD! Stupid computer...

Anyways, hope you liked the chibi North Americans! They're so adorable... *fangirl-y squeal*


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: So, this chapter is slightly AU. Meaning, I invented a holiday called "National Anthem Day", commonly referred to as Anthem Day. Who can guess what people do on that day? XD

Also, this is kinda based on one of the "Fly, Canada-san, Fly!" strips. The one where Canada has a nightmare about Montreal. Yep yep. It exists.

* * *

"Aw, c'mon, Mattie, it'll be fun!"

"No, Al, I don't have time to!"

"But Matt!"

"No, Al!"

"But-"

"I said NO!"

America pouted. "Fine. Then I'll just have to have fun some other way."

Suddenly, Canada had a strange sinking feeling in his stomach. What was his twin up to...?

* * *

Chapter 5: In which America blackmails Canada into being in Montreal on Anthem Day.

Teehee! :D

* * *

"Remind me, _why_, exactly, are we doing this again?"

"Because you don't want me to tell Arthur about-"

"SSSSHHHHH!"

Panicked, Canada threw a hand over America's mouth, eyes darting around in fear, searching for their former caretaker.

America smirked, pushing his northern brother's hand away. "That's why."

Canada let out a sigh of frustration. "I hate you, Alfred F. Jones."

"Love ya too, brother dear!"

"AUGH!" With that, Canada shoved America to the side and stormed off, heedless to said nation's cackling laughter.

* * *

"Mattie! Wait up!"

America ran after his brother, hurrying to reach him before he did something drastic. Like conquer the world. Or go on a (rather epic, he had to admit, even though it usually left him shaking and huddled in a corner) three-hour long rant.

"Go away, Al!"

"But you don't know where we're going! Mattie!"

Canada whirled on him. "We're going to Montreal, and once we're there you'll LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"No, uh, actually..." America rubbed his neck sheepishly.

"What. Did. You. Do."

"I... ah... um... I... actuallykindofsignedyouuptosinginthechorus!" America blurted in a rush.

Canada's eye twitched. "You did what."

"Sorry!"

Canada threw his hands up, heaving a great big sigh of exasperation. "You know what, Alfred? YOU KNOW WHAT? I'm not even going to bother ranting at you!"

"I said sorry!"

Canada glared.

America whimpered.

* * *

"Name?"

"Matthew Williams."

"And who's he?" The man at the check-in table pointed to America.

"My brother," Canada said, glaring at said nation.

America shrank a bit.

"Is he part of this as well?"

"No-"

"Yes!" America butted in. Canada gaped at him.

"Alright, your name please."

"Alfred Jones."

"Matthew Williams and Alfred Jones... AH! Here you are. Go on in."

As soon as the man was out of sight and they were alone, Canada whirled on America again. America gulped.

"And when, exactly, were you going to inform me of your decision to perform with me?"

"I forgot!"

"Yeah, right," Canada scoffed. "Alfred, what are you thinking? It's ANTHEM DAY, not just some random holiday where we can sing random songs together! Do you even know how to sing my national anthem?"

America looked offended. "Dude, do you know how to sing mine?"

Canada shrugged. "Point taken. But still, you're the _United States of_ freaking _America_! It's not natural for you to-"

"And you're freaking _Canada_," America cut in, "but that didn't stop you from coming over to my place last year and participating fully in the festivities."

Canada growled. "Don't you DARE mess up."

America gulped again, and, in a very small voice, said, "I won't."

* * *

Soon, they were standing with the rest of the singing group on the stage. Canada was trembling in fury (and a bit of (actually, a lot of) fear), while America stood next to him, oblivious.

As the opening notes rang out, Canada steeled himself for the fight that was to come.

"O Canada!"

So far so good. But the next line... Oh jeez...

"Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command." "Terre de nos aïeux, Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!"

It was actually kind of comical, how the music wound down, sounding like a dying animal's last screeches. Tension quickly rose up on the stage, in the pit, and in the audience. And the two nations were caught in the middle of it all.

"Maple..." Canada whimpered, closing his eyes. America beamed.

"YOU STUPID FRENCH IDIOTS! USE ENGLISH!"

"TAIS-TOI, DÉBILES ANGLAIS! FRANÇAIS EST LA MEILLEURE LANGUE!"

"Why, you little..."

"Bâtards!"

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

And thus, the brawl began.

"Dude, this is awesome!" America laughed as they ran for cover. Canada shot him a glare, not even bothering with words.

Suddenly, America tugged him to the side, leading him down a small alley.

"What is it now?" Canada asked in exasperation. America didn't respond, merely dragging him further through the streets.

"America," came a voice. Canada whirled to see Japan following them. America merely threw a smile over his shoulder.

"Get ready!"

Japan nodded, and disappeared.

"Where did he come from? And what do you mean, 'get ready'?" The northern nation was bewildered.

"You'll see, Mattie!"

Soon, China also appeared, as did South Korea, and Estonia. America gave the same two-word phrase to them as he had to Japan. Canada was completely confused. There was a brawl and random nations popping up in one of his country's largest cities. What was going on?

Suddenly, the NA brothers burst out into the square where the festivities (read: fight between two factions that can't get along, even on another continent) were going on. A loud screech from the speakers silenced the crowd.

America pulled Canada up to the stage, grabbing a microphone. "Attention, everyone!"

"As if they hadn't been paying attention after that noise," Canada muttered under his breath.

America ignored him. "I have an awesome song to sing for my awesome twin, CANADA!"

Canada facepalmed. "Stop with the Prussia! And who gave you permission to reveal my identity to my people?"

"You mean they don't know?" America said, utterly confused.

"Of course they know, they just usually don't remember! It's the same as your people, and everyone else's people! And I, for one, enjoy walking around my own country without being stared at!"

"Sorry..." America said sheepishly. "I thought you would be happy-"

"America-kun, can you please focus?" Japan's voice said through the speakers.

"Yes, America, aru. Focus!"

"Or I will annex your breasts, da ze!"

"Wah! T-That i-isn't n-n-nice, Korea!"

"LATVIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

Both North Americans sweatdropped.

"Anyways! To my dear twin!" America said. The random nations quickly quieted, and, once again, the opening notes of the Canadian national anthem rang out. America smiled, then started singing.

"O Canada!

My awesome twin brother!

You are so cool, I love you so so much!

I'm sorry that I pranked you now, but I really really want

You to hear this "O Canada" funny parody song!

You are so great, my dear brother,

O Canada! I love my twin brother!

O Canada! America loves you!"

Silence.

Then-

"You are an idiot."

And with that, Canada glomped America to the cheers of his (finally not fighting) people. And Japan, China, South Korea, Estonia, and a random Latvia carrying a smiling Russia mochi.

* * *

Author's Note: Randomness for the win!

I have no excuse for making such a horrible parody of the Canadian national anthem. Try singing or imagining it being sung badly but still in tune, though (the parody, not the actual anthem). That's how America would have sung it. XD

But really. I have no excuse for this chapter. I hope I didn't offend anyone...

Hope you liked it~!


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: So, apparently, according to this one Quiz Bowl practice website, the Burning of Washington was interrupted by a "freak tornado".

...

... I didn't even know Washington, D.C. could GET tornadoes... O.o'

But yeah. Of course, this turns into a plot bunny. *sigh* Why isn't interesting stuff like this in our history textbooks?

Also, this WILL be cracky and humorous. Even though it's the War of 1812, and most 1812 fics you see are angst (including one of my own...). SCREW ANGST! I LIKE CRACKY HUMOR! XD

Oh, and you'd better know what the Burning of Washington is, or Canada will probably go hockey mode on you. :)

* * *

"Gah! Stop it, Matt, it hurts!" America screamed, rolling on the ground while his capital burned behind him.

"No! This is revenge for York!" Canada cackled.

"Mattie!" America whined.

"It's all your fault, Alfred!" Canada said without any sympathy.

"Canada. That's quite enough-" England attempted to interject, but was quickly cut off.

"SHUT UP, ENGLAND!" both North Americans yelled at the same time, glaring at him.

The British Empire backed away slowly.

"Why would you do this to me?" America whimpered.

"Why did you do it to me?" Canada shot back.

America fell silent. Then-

"What is that?"

* * *

Chapter 6: In which a freak tornado interrupts the Burning of Washington.

Because apparently it happened. *sweatdrop*

* * *

"Don't try to avoid the question!" Canada said, angry at his twin. But America ignored him, eyes widening in fear.

"RUN!"

With that, America grabbed Canada, hurled him completely out of the city, then followed, running at breakneck speeds.

"ALFRED! WHAT THE HECK!" Canada screamed, plummeting down to earth.

"TORNADO!"

"WHAT?!"

"TOR-NA-DO!"

"IN WASHINGTON?!"

America pointed.

Sure enough, there, in the distance, was a tornado.

Canada facepalmed. "Of all times a _tornado_ could have occurred..."

"Mattie! Shut up and run!"

With America leading the way, North American twins raced off to safety.

When they finally reached shelter, both collapsed onto the ground, panting hard in an attempt to catch their breaths again.

"... Hey... Al?" Canada finally asked, still breathing heavily.

"Yeah... Mattie?"

"Weren't you... hurting... from the... fire?"

"Oh... yeah..." America frowned. "I forgot... about that..."

Canada facepalmed again. "How do you FORGET about that?"

"Uh... Sorry?" America offered up weakly.

Canada heaved a sigh of exasperation. "Why'd you even... save me?"

"Oh, right... We're at war... aren't we..." America frowned again.

Another facepalm from Canada. "You're really... spacey today..."

"Yeah... Right! Let's go back!" America jumped to his feet and grabbed Canada again.

"Gah! Put me down, Al, or I'll go ahead and burn Philadelphia too! And Boston!"

"Wah! Don't do that!" America hurriedly set his brother down.

"Hmph." Canada brushed himself off, sending an annoyed look at his twin.

"Well, uh... I guess we should head back?"

Canada sighed. "Yeah."

Together, they began their trek back to the not-burning-anymore city.

* * *

_Meanwhile, still in Washington..._

"Oh, those bloody gits, just forgot about me, eh?" England muttered. "Idiot America. And Canada too..."

He got out a paper and scribbled a quick note, leaving it tacked to the wall where he was sure the brothers would find it.

Then he ordered retreat.

* * *

_Back to the NA bros!_

"Hey, Mattie, where'd England go?"

"I have no idea. I don't see any British soldiers, either."

"Hmm. That's weird... Oh, hey, look, a note!"

Canada jogged over to where America was excitedly pulling a piece of paper down from a wall.

_Dear America,_

_Bloody idiot. Your weather is insane._

_Sincerely, England_

"Well. That's not nice," America complained. Then they read on.

_Dear Canada,_

_I expected better of you. Find your own way home, I've left already._

_Sincerely, England._

Canada huffed. "America, let's go."

"Wha? Where're we going?"

"North."

"Why?"

"Because it's your fault I came here, your fault I separated from England, and your fault that he left without me. So now you have to help me get home."

"Aw... But Mattie! I have a war to fight!"

"If you haven't noticed, I do to. With you. NOW TAKE ME HOME!"

"Aw... fine."

And the two brothers set off for the north.

THE END!

* * *

Author's Note: Like I said, I have no idea. Apparently, though, the tornado was what saved Washington from further destruction. Which doesn't make sense, since the tornado probably did worse than any humans could do... Meh.

Um yeah. ANYWAYS, moral of the story? TORNADOES LIKE AMERICA!

OK, no, that's not the moral of the story. There isn't a moral. Because this is crack humor Hetalia fanfiction. There isn't supposed to be a moral. There.

Oh, and the TV Tropes page on the War of 1812 is funny. Go look at it. NOW!

Hope you liked it! :)


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